After much thought and reflection I have come to the conclusion that protecting the wrong people actually tends to hurt and further traumatize me instead of help my healing. The purpose of this post is not to hurt the people in question like they hurt me but to stand as a type of warning to the girls that want to potentially follow in my footsteps. Don't. I have set a horrible example thus far. Let him and make him treat you like the queen you know you are. Not a punching bag, a meal ticket, or a hole to fuck. Shit ain't right.
I had known this boy for a few months now. The image I had of him so far wasn't great, he threw glass cups at the wall in front of everyone when he got fucked up, and wouldn't even give my friend group the time of day if he wasn't hammered. But he was cute right... sort of?
Once school went online I stayed because my home life wasn't great so continued to live at school. All of my friends being from out of state and coming from families that wanted them home were quick to skrt. There was only a select few of us left. Mainly the rejects. This included me and him(along with his evil sidekick minion, but she comes later).
I hung out with him and his group one night and once I went back to my room(I now lived directly next door because they had consolidated the kids left at school into one area) and I invited him over. Obviously he said yes, I mean look at him and look at me, he wanted me from the day I met him. So we hooked up. Ew. Pains me to even say I let him touch me but I did. Then I went back to his room and we slept there so we could do it again, yeah I know I'm amazing... thanks. Woke up at his place and most people put two and two together that I had been there that night except for stupid #2, jealous from the start. A girl who obviously wanted him in that way but had no shot. She found out and she hated it, she hated me.
From there I spent every single night there in his bed, we wouldn't even cuddle. Ever. It was two dorm beds pushed together and we would sleep separately together, every fucking night. I thought I deserved the physical pain he would put me through, it felt right? It felt good? Nah. There were points when I was with him that my breasts, legs, and arms were bruised badly because he was hurting me so badly. But it was hot? I still have a scape on my knee from a time he pushed me down onto a wood floor. Hard. Too hard, obviously.
The pain wasn't just physical though. It was absolute and utter psychological warfare. He was allowed to fuck me and hit me but for me to show any sort of affection was a big no no. No photos, no hugs, no cuteness, no nothin. Just hate. But love? I love you Adeline?
Once I finally moved back home once the dorms closed, things changed. I wasn't smoking all day everyday with him and scary in human form, my head started to clear and I started to see things for what they truly were. These people were using me in more ways that one. These people were evil.
I "broke up with him", in quotes because he never even wanted to date me and he made that clear at every turn. So I cut him off after gaining some clarity on the abuse I had been enduring and his response was absolutely comical. My closing words were eloquently worded and loving and understanding, even in the face of my hurt. His response was showing up at my house and returning the blow up mattress I let him borrow(now full of holes btw because of his cat) with a note that said "Thanks for the mattress. PS here's your venmo card". Venmo card was a whole other deal but I let him use it because dumbass was too helpless to learn how to get a debit card... it's really not that hard bro.
I then stood up to the girl bully who had sat by and watched this whole thing play out with not a drop of sympathy for me. She had watched ideally by as he hurt me, in front of her, and used me, just like her. The last time I got drunk he pulled my hair and pushed me around right in front of her and jokingly she says something like "OMG hahahah is this like abuse or something should I like call someone ahahahahah". That should speak for itself and I plan on writing more about my toxic relationship with her but she obviously had NO fucking clue who she was messing with. And neither did he.
Anyways, I stood up to her basically just with a major paragraph of truth and a fuck you over snapchat and then coincidentally this dude comes running back. He's blocked on everything so he's sending me venmos with apology captions that I obviously am no longer stupid enough to respond to so he starts emailing my school email begging for me back. I'd like to take just a short quote from that so y'all can feel my pain and also laugh at the utter stupidity of this shit.
"Yea I'm that guy that's gonna text your email now haha." Ok first of all, no lol, dummy. "A talk would be nice ADELINE. I don't expect you to change. I'm not mad at you, I support you! It's hard for me to imagine what you're thinking and why you took the course of action you did. We can still be cool with each other without you doing this ADELINE!"
And yes my name is actually in all caps in the email. So many questions right? Me too sugar. My response a few days later was skrting down the highway all the way to his doorstep to spit on his front door. Whip my beautiful tits out that he will never get to see or touch again and spit some truth, all in front of his friends. He didn't like that and neither did his minion. Team evil called my dad and tried to convince him of many things including that I owed stupid #2 $400 and my dad needed to pay her that? Like what? In what world?
Side note, when the coward called my dad she wouldn't even say her name and he already knew who it was because I had told him some of the awful things she had done to me. Thing one and thing two. Tweedle dee and tweedle dumb. Dumb and fucking dumber. Whatever you think fits them best I can't decide but they underestimated and messed with the wrong "bitch" as I'm sure I'm label by them as of late.
People keep reaching out saying how brave I am to spread such truth and that's because it is just so... truth, and all they have to back them is lies. I don't want to fight, I want to speak my truth and never hear from either of you again. Thank you. End scene. *blows kisses to crowd* <3<3<3